


and all that jazz

by serenehowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, M/M, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phandom Big Bang, Smoking (?), Swearing, ableist slurs, dancer!au, historical!AU, honestly everyone is gonna have lung disease at the end of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8478892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenehowell/pseuds/serenehowell
Summary: It's 1922, the roaring twenties are in full swing and people are thriving for the first time in years. Englishman Dan Howell dreams of a new life in the States, enchanted by the promises of fame and fortune, until a certain Jonny Malone changes that all. The enigmatic performer shines a new light on the life Dan was so desperate to have.





	

**Author's Note:**

> See the amazing art for this **[here](https://im--just--procrastinating.tumblr.com/post/153138319984/art-for-serenehowell-s-amazing-fic-for-the-pbb)**!
> 
>  
> 
> **  
> [Read on tumblr](http://serenehowell.tumblr.com/post/153138928830/and-all-that-jazz)  
>  **

_“The bright lights and promises of fame and fortune can be alluring to any person with big dreams. But that’s all they are, dreams. Naivety is an undesirable trait in this world as it often leads to failure. Do not let yourself be fooled by the success stories that are broadcasted to make even the most average of people believe that they have a chance to be somebody. Those are only constructed to fabricate the truth of what this industry is really like. The ones at the top do not dare to reveal how they earned their statuses as being the best of the best. It's not so much acts being performed on a stage, but more so acts of betrayal, adultery and murder. You have been warned, what happens behind the scenes is much less glamorous than what is presented to the audience…”_

The journey had been a lengthy one for the English man both physically and emotionally. Countless miles had been covered over land and sea before he had finally reached his destination: Chicago, USA. He was immediately enchanted by the hustle and bustle of the city, a far cry from the country life he was used to. The skyscrapers stood in stark contrast to the humble buildings back in his hometown. Equipped with only the suitcase in his hand and a roughly scribbled address on a piece of paper, Dan headed through the crowded streets and to the outskirts of town to where his Aunt Sylvia lived.

A bitter chill picked up in the air with Dan pulling his coat tighter around himself to retain warmth. A part of him felt like it wasn’t real, like he wasn't actually here. For so long he had dreamed about being a headlining act, his name displayed in lights for everyone to see. And now was his chance. He could _finally_ become the person he’s always wanted to be.

Too consumed in his own thoughts, Dan didn't notice the man walking in the opposite direction until they had both landed in a heap on the floor. 

“Ah shit, sorry!” Dan rushed to apologise.

The man quickly pulled himself up and brushed himself down. “No worries, it's fine,” The man replied in a Northern English accent, much to Dan’s surprise. Extending his hand out, the man helped Dan up from the ground.

“Thanks, hey are…” Before Dan could question the man about his nationality, he had already disappeared down the street, lost in the crowds.

~

“Daniel! It's so good to see you!” Immediately after arriving at his Aunt’s house, Dan was engulfed in the lady's arms. “It's been too long my dear.”

Sylvia had immigrated to America when Dan was only a child, meaning he had very few memories of her. When news had travelled that Dan was planning on moving, she was quick to offer him accommodation at her house in exchange for him working in her cafe.

“It's good…to see you too…” Dan flailed his arms around, trapped in the hug. One thing he could remember about his Aunt was her impossibly tight hugs; the amount of strength the petite woman had was surprising.

Finally letting go, Sylvia gestured for Dan to enter the house. “Please, please, come in, you must have had a long journey!”

Dan settled into a floral armchair with a cup of coffee, glad to finally be able to relax. Easy conversation flowed between him and Sylvia, but it soon turned to a topic he was less comfortable about.

“I just thought that I should say, I’m sorry about what happened with the family and everything.” Sylvia placed a sympathetic hand over Dan’s as she weakly smiled.

Dan visibly tensed at the mention of his family back in England. “I’d…rather not talk about it.” It would be an understatement to say that things between Dan and his family were not on the best of terms when he left.

“I understand dear,” Sylvia nodded softly. “I’ve always had differences with your father and never really agreed with the things he said. Growing up with him was a nightmare!”

Dan couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the comment. He could only imagine how hard it must have been for Sylvia to grow up having his father as a brother.

“Well anyways, I’m glad that you got here safely!” She stood up to give Dan another one of her infamous hugs. “I’ve just got to finish preparing your room so keep yourself entertained.”

Letting go, Dan made his way to the front door and shrugged on his jacket. “Actually, I was going to explore the city a bit, get to know it more.”

“Oh, well you have fun dear!” Sylvia called from halfway up the staircase. “Just be careful, you don't know who's about at this time of night. Also, don't get yourself lost…”

“Alright mother!” Dan joked. “I’ll be fine, see you later.” He gave a last goodbye wave before heading out to experience the thriving nightlife of Chicago.

~

For a small town boy like Dan, it was easy for him to be captivated by the chaotic atmosphere of the city. He had never before felt so exhilarated and _alive_ in all of his 21 years, the whole feeling overwhelming him. The unfamiliarity gave him a rush of adrenaline, feeling the same sort of addiction that one would with a drug.

He didn't really have a clear plan for the night, only to acquaintance himself with the new area. After spending a good length of time just wandering down the bustling streets, Dan decided to get himself more involved in the infamous nightlife. Considering that he aspired to one day live the life of a performer, he may as well get used to it.

Instead of searching around for any longer, Dan settled on checking out the first club he saw. The name of the club, the Midnight Lounge, was spelt out on the front in glistening lights, with crowds already forming around the entrance. Bold posters were plastered on walls all round the building, detailing of a special act that was performing there.

_“The amazing, dazzling Jonny and Martha Malone!”_

_“Exclusive at the Midnight Lounge for a limited run only!”_

The place was packed, with Dan being lucky to find himself a table nestled in the corner of the room. It was clear despite the Prohibition laws in place, people still managed to get round it as glasses were never empty of alcohol for too long. Even with the supposed drinking age being twenty-one, twenty-year-old Dan was still served a glass of rum without a fuss. It almost seemed as if the citizens of Chicago were their own lawmakers, completely disregarding the official laws set by the government.

The buzzing audience were instantly silenced by the turning down of the lights, the anticipation in the room rising. Dan tried to calm his excitement as he took a sip of his drink. For years he had been dreaming of being in this moment, and it was finally happening. 

The red velvet curtains framing the stage were drawn, revealing two figures dressed head to toe in black, one male and one female. They were both frozen in position, standing back to back with their heads tipped forwards, clutching the matching fedoras on their heads which made their faces unclear to the audience. The sequins on the woman’s dress glimmered under the heavy stage lights, making it appear as if she were an expensive diamond necklace. Dan assumed that they were the ‘dazzling and amazing’ Jonny and Martha Malone.

The introduction of music from the live band brought the performers to life. Their movements were perfectly timed to the rhythm with fluidity and not one mistake. It was obvious how much time and effort was put into perfecting the routine with every twist, lift and jump having a high level of precision. The addition of backing dancers only enlarged the expressions of awe on the faces of the audience members. 

Dan was quick to release that the skilled dancer on stage was the same man that he had ran into earlier. It was hard to tell as his pale skin had obviously been covered in makeup to ensure that he showed up under the lights. But it was him, despite not showing one trace of the clumsiness that he had earlier.

With the amount of flair and finesse that he displayed, it was hard for Dan to take his eyes off of him. The amount of strength that he possessed meant that he could effortlessly raise his female partner above his head before flawlessly moving onto the next part of the routine. 

Of course, his partner had just as much talent as him, but the man had such a large amount of stage presence that it made him the focus of the show. Dan was mesmerised and found his gaze locking with the dancer’s glistening azure eyes, only pulling him in further. 

It was over all too suddenly. The music faded away as the performers swiftly scurried off stage before the audience could finish their applause. Dan was almost in a state of shock when he sat back down in his seat, soon after heading off to the bar for a much needed drink.

He had to push through the chattering crowd to spot an empty bar stool. Settling into the wooden seat, Dan tried to catch the attention of the bartender who was too busy talking to other customers. 

“Excuse me!” It seemed as if Dan’s British manners were not much use in America, with his calls being continuously ignored.

“Oi! Freddie!” Dan turned his head to see the man next to him snapping his fingers, instantly bringing the bartender over to the area. 

“Oh hey Jonny! Great show tonight, what can I get you?”

“Just the usual and whatever this guy wants.” Jonny pointed over to Dan, who perked his head up at the gesture.

“Er, I’ll just have a...whiskey, thanks…” Dan stuttered as he realised who he was sitting next to. “Can I just say, you…”

“Thanks Freddie,” Jonny pulled a few coins from his pocket as two drinks were placed on the counter, completely disregarding Dan’s mutterings, lost in the noise of the bar, “It’s on me.” He brought his glass up to his lips, not even looking at Dan.

Jonny was almost unrecognisable off stage. What was once a tight, black t-shirt and trouser combination was now a simple white button-up with plain grey slacks. His rolled up sleeves and undone top buttons exposed more of his naturally pale skin.

“ _I just wanted to say_ ,” Dan said a little sterner, raising the volume of his voice. He finally caught Jonny’s attention, who turned to face Dan with a bored expression on his face. “I was very impressed with your performance and I was wondering if you had any advice for someone who wanted to get into the industry.

Jonny scoffed at the compliment, obviously used to gaining praise for his performing. “Don't do it,” he flatly said without the slightest bit of emotion.

“Don't do what?” Dan asked, confused by his bluntness.

“Don't try and get into this industry. I’ve seen hundreds of kids just like you over the years; it always ends the same way.”

“How do you know? If I try…”

“Are you even listening to me?” Jonny snapped, staring intensely at Dan. “You wanted some advice and I gave it to you. Just forget it, ok? Those are probably the only truthful words you’re gonna get and you better listen to them.” Without another word, Jonny walked away from the bar and into the crowd, leaving Dan speechless.

Despite what Jonny said, Dan wasn't ready to give up. If anything, it made him more determined.

~

Dan found himself placed in the exact same spot in the club the following night. He was a man on a mission and desperate to try and break through to Jonny. His years of wisdom and experience would be invaluable to Dan, so getting through to him would be extremely helpful. 

After he had returned home the night before, Dan had bombarded Sylvia with ramblings about his experiences at the club. She had found it rather endearing how excitable Dan was whilst retelling his stories about the night. With further knowledge, she had informed Dan more of Jonny’s background. Jonny Malone, which Sylvia had added was most likely a stage name, performed a double act with his partner Martha, who was also his wife. Strangely, Dan felt a twinge of jealousy knowing that Jonny was in a relationship; he hardly knew the guy for crying out loud. 

Once again, Dan went through the process of the night before. With another glass of rum in hand, he sat in wait for the performance to start. There was a similar amount of people in the club with it being just as full, showing just how popular the performance was. At last, the curtains were drawn from across the front of the stage, signalling the show was about to begin.

Dan was glad that he was able to watch it for a second time. He remained utterly gripped the whole time, despite it being the same routine repeated. However, he had a clear objective; find Jonny at the bar and try to get _something_ out of him.

The bar was just as crazy as the night before, but Dan managed to barge his way through, not caring about the amount of people that he had most likely elbowed. He had somehow gained more confidence overnight and was this time more vocal whilst ordering his drink. 

Of course, it wasn't guaranteed that Jonny would return to the bar, but Dan could only hope that he would. What seemed like hours had passed, with Dan onto his third drink, when Jonny finally turned up. He faltered slightly a few feet away from the bar when he noticed Dan sitting there.

“You came back?” Jonny said, more to himself then directly to Dan. “A bit eager are we,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Well seeing as you didn't actually give me any advice as I had asked last night, I came back for it.” A small smirk crept onto Dan’s face. 

Jonny hesitantly sat down on the bar stool next to Dan, realising that he was going to be persistent. “I have to give it to you kid-”

Dan ignored Jonny’s comment by calling over the bartender, mirroring Jonny’s actions from the previous night. The smirk only grew on Dan’s when he saw Jonny’s mouth gaping out of the corner of his eye. 

“Just a whiskey and whatever this guy wants.” Dan pointed at Jonny, yet again copying his earlier behaviour. He knew that the way he was acting made him seem arrogant and a bit of an ass, but it was all just a facade. If Dan carried on appearing to be the same as every other naive kid looking for their big break, he wouldn't get anywhere. Instead, he was likely to be remembered if he put on a more confident front.

“So…”

“Dan, my name is Dan.”

“So Dan, you want to be a star then, be _rich_ and _famous_ and have _all of your dreams come true_.” The sarcasm was dripping in Jonny’s voice as he took a large gulp of his drink. Dan only rolled his eyes, sensing that he still wasn't being taken seriously. “You’ve come to the right guy, I’ve managed to achieve three out of the four.”

“Which one haven't you got?” Dan had heard all sorts of stories about him from Sylvia, about how he had it all. He was confused about the flaws in Jonny's apparently perfect life.

“Take a wild fucking guess,” he bitterly spat out, knocking back what looked like a shot of vodka, the torment visible in his eyes. He fiddled around with the empty glass in his hands, intentionally trying to avoid looking directly at Dan.

“Look, I understand-” Dan had to raise his voice slightly to be heard over the racket in the bar. “I understand what you’re saying, but I know that this is what I want to do!”

“I have to admire your spirit, you remind me of myself when I first started out,” Jonny settled the glass down on the counter, finally meeting Dan’s eyes.

“Oh, really-”

“I would hardly take that as a compliment,” Jonny interrupted sternly, “So if this is what you want…”

“It is, I’ve dreamed of this for years,” Dan couldn't help but cringe inwardly at how corny he sounded.

“If you can impress me, I might be able to help you out-”

Dan’s eyes immediately lit up, a wide grin spreading on his face. “Thank you so much Jonny!” Dan launched himself at Jonny, who almost fell off his stool in the process, wrapping him in a tight embrace that Aunt Sylvia would be proud of. 

Jonny was taken aback by the contact and tried to gently push Dan away. “An emphasis on the maybe, ok? Stay here until closing time and show me what you've got.” Without another word, Jonny stood up and left Dan to ponder over their conversation. He ordered his own shot of vodka, knowing that he would need the liquid courage for later.

~

As it approached the early hours of the morning, only a few drunken stragglers and Dan remained at the club. He hadn’t seen Jonny since they had last spoke and a small part of him was convinced that he wouldn’t show up. Dan had sat himself on the front of the stage, twiddling his thumbs and swinging his legs up into the air.

Alas, his fears were not confirmed when he was met with the sight of Jonny sauntering towards Dan with his arms folded across his chest. Following behind him was Freddie the bartender, who was carrying bundles of sheet music.

“So,” Dan was first to break the silence, “What is it you want me to do?”

“Freestyle a thirty second routine, if you can’t do that then there is not a chance of you getting anywhere.”

Dan gulped, feeling the pressure rising. He pulled himself up and positioned himself in the centre of the stage. Glancing over to the piano, he saw Freddie sitting in front of it, shuffling a few sheets of paper around. He was quite intrigued to find out that a simple bartender like Freddie possessed such a talent.

“I’ll count you in, ok?” Dan was pulled out of his thoughts by Jonny’s voice. “Five, six, seven, eight!”

Sweet melodies from the piano were all of a sudden being released, kicking in Dan’s instincts. The next thirty seconds were a blur as he could barely think before his body started moving. Afterwards, he could hardly remember the routine he performed but it must have been impressive as by the time the music had cut out, Jonny was standing at the bottom of the stage, slowly clapping.

“I have to say, you’re not half bad.” 

“Is that all?” Dan panted, somehow out of breath from the small amount of movement. He could feel a layer of sweat building on his forehead which was mostly caused by the intense heat of the stage lights.

“Ok, you're quite good.” It was clear that Jonny wasn't a man who frequently gave out praise, what with being so used to earning it himself. A small smirk appeared on his face as he leant on the front of the stage. Freddie scurried off without a word, realising that he was no longer needed.

Dan lept off the stage to join Jonny, who was now walking away from him. Confused as to what was happening next, he followed after him to find him picking up a brown jacket that was carefully draped over a chair.

“Er, so what now?” Dan hesitantly asked, unsure of what the answer would be.

After putting on his jacket, Jonny reached into one of the pockets and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He put one in his mouth and fumbled around in his pockets looking for a lighter.

“We… are…” Jonny paused for a moment to light his cigarette, taking a long drag, “- going back to mine to discuss business.”

“Business? At, what-” Dan glanced down at the watch on his wrist. “Two in the morning?” He could already feel the fatigue creeping in, despite the slight buzz that was still present from all the alcohol he had drunk earlier.

Jonny shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette and exhaling, letting the smoke blow into Dan’s face. “This industry runs twenty-four hours a day kid, better get used to it.”

“What about Martha? Surely we wouldn't want to disturb her, its-”

“We won't disturb her.” Jonny snapped at the mention of his wife's name. “You want one?” He held up his pack of cigarettes, wanting to change the topic.

Dan shook his head. “I don't smoke, so no thank you.” 

Jonny nodded and shoved the packet back into his pocket. He threw his own used cigarette onto the floor and stubbed it out with his foot. “Right, we better get going then, we have work to do.”

~

Dan wasn't entirely sure what ‘discussing business’ would entail, but drinking illegal liquor in Jonny’s apartment definitely wasn't the obvious option.

“How the hell did you get all of this? The whole country is banned from owning this stuff!” Dan was shocked as he saw the amount of bottles in Jonny’s liquor cabinet that was kept in his living room. He noticed the apartment was decently sized and was located in a nice part of town. It was hardly surprising considering the amount Jonny likely earned.

“Well, nothing is banned for people like me.” Jonny pulled out two large bottles filled with clear liquid and set them on a table in front of the sofa that Dan was sitting on.

Jonny poured the alcohol into two glasses and passed one to Dan, then sitting next to him on the sofa. “A toast.” He raised his glass into the air, with Dan copying his action.

“To what?”

“To you making the worst decision of your life.”

After several glasses of the mysterious liquour, as well as the alcohol Dan had been drinking the night before, the pair were well and truly drunk. They were messily sprawled out on the sofa, with Dan resting his head on Jonny’s chest. 

“You know,” Dan announced out of nowhere whilst fiddling with the material on Jonny's shirt, “Is Jonny Malone _really_ your name, because it’s fucking awful.”

“Oh my goodness, NO!” Jonny let out a deep, breathy chuckle. “I know it's awful, but Martha suggested it; apparently Phil Lester isn't ‘showbiz enough’.” He half-heartedly threw his fingers into air quotes. “ _Pleaaase_ just call me PHIL!”

“Awwwww…” Dan slurred, looking up at Phil. “Well I like Phil!” he said in an almost defensive manner, whilst rising up and settling on straddling Phil’s hips. “I think it suits you a _lot_.”

“Well I think that _you_ are very cute, Dan…” Phil said as he tapped Dan a bit too aggressively on the nose.

“Howwwell, my name…my name is Dan Howell and I too think _you are very cute_.” Dan burst into a fit of giggles, with Phil following along soon after. It was clear that the alcohol was controlling both their movements and their speech.

Once they had calmed down, Dan leaned forwards so that their foreheads were touching. “You have really pretty eyes.” He stayed silent for a moment, deeply inspecting Phil’s eyes. “They’re beautiful.” He whispered.

“So are yours.” Phil’s voice was at the same level as Dan’s.

It was slow at first, their lips meeting softly in the middle. Dan brought his hand to the back of Phil’s head, slowly bringing him up to face him. It quickly became messy and passionate as a new sense of urgency was realised, making the kiss more intense. Teeth clashed; hands ran over bare skin as they tried to explore the new sensation.

“No.”

It all came crashing down too soon. Dan’s sober voice of reason that was crying out inside was finally being listened to, the realisation of what he had done hitting him all at once. He was kissing Phil, a married man that he had only known for two days.

“This…I…” Dan stammered as he gently pushed Phil away. “I need to go…I’m sorry.” The lump in his throat was rising and he knew he had to leave: immediately.

Staggering to his feet, Dan dashed to the door without even the smallest glance back at Phil. He heard Phil’s faint calls of his name but slammed the front door behind him, blocking them out. He climbed down the five flights of stairs that led to the exit of Phil’s apartment block, feeling the bitter chill in the air biting at his skin. He had barely made it ten metres before the tears started to fall down his face.

~

A sharp knocking at the door and gentle calling of his name brought Dan out of his slumber. He groaned at the harsh pounding in his head as he realised the consequences of drinking so much the night before.

“Dan, can I come in?” 

He responded with some intelligible mumblings that Sylvia assumed to be permission to enter.

“You were meant to work your first shift at the cafe this morning…” 

“Oh shit!” Dan had completely forgot that he was starting work that day, too wrapped up with everything that was happening with Phil. He sat up in his bed too quickly, causing the whole room to spin. 

“I was going to wake you up, but you returned home rather late and you needed to sleep, so I just moved you onto the afternoon shift.” Sylvia smiled sweetly and Dan couldn't help but be grateful for her understanding. “It starts in an hour, so why don't you get dressed and then I’ll cook you something nice before you go.”

“Thanks, Sylvie.”

She knelt down next to Dan, kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair. “You look, and I’m guessing feel, quite rough so I’ll bring you up a cup of coffee and something for that headache you probably have.” 

Dan nodded and once again thanked Sylvia. Once she had left the room, he tried actually leaving his bed, but failed due to a complete lack of energy. Whilst trying to stretch the rest of his body out, Dan teetered dangerously close to the edge of the bed. He then lost his balance and landed on the floor in a mass of limbs and duvet, swearing under his breath. After a good few minutes of trying to find any sort of motivation to move, he picked himself up and started getting ready for his day.

The cafe, quite simply named Sylvia’s Cafe, was a perfect mix of both American and British style. In the classic American red leather booths, customers were often served traditional British food, as well as the usual stateside offerings. It was Sylvia’s pride and joy, as she had invested most of her life savings into the place. Her gamble had luckily paid off, with her business having a reputation as being one of the best in Chicago.

Dan’s first day at work mostly consisted of him learning the ropes of the place, and occasionally serving the odd customer. Despite owning the place, Sylvia often left the cafe in the care of her group of employees, who were the ones looking after Dan.

It was approaching four in the afternoon, with Dan’s shift ending at five. It was one of the quieter times in the day for business with only a few customers currently in the cafe. The ringing of the bell at the front door alerted Dan to the presence of a new customer. As he was the one in charge of the till at the time, he immediately put on his welcoming and friendly persona.

“Good afternoon, how can I-” Dan paused when he realised who had entered. “Shit, Phil, how did you know I worked here?”

“You told me last night, I just wanted to-”

“No please, let me speak.” Dan motioned for one of the other workers to take over on the til and led Phil to an empty booth. “Look, last night we were drunk and I know that it was a mistake and…” He sat down in the leather seat opposite to Phil, his posture stiff with worry.

“Dan, Dan!” Phil interrupted his ramblings. “It's fine, I understand what happened last night and I'm over it.” He spoke in a casual tone, seemingly not caring about the kiss. “That's not what I’m here for.”

“Oh.” Dan let himself relax in his seat, knowing that he wouldn't have to explain his actions from the previous night. 

“An opportunity has popped up and I have a feeling you might be interested.” Phil leant forwards towards Dan, resting his arms on the table. “One of my backing dancers has moved out of town and I think you may be a good replacement.”

Dan's eyes widened in surprise as what Phil was offering sunk in. “Wow, really? Yes, of course I will! Thank you, this-”

Phil couldn't help but find Dan's ramblings rather endearing and chuckled softly to himself. “If you come down to the Lounge right now then I could take you around before the show tonight.”

“Yes, that would be great!” Dan realised that he still had some time left before he finished his shift and that he would need to get permission from Sylvia to go with Phil. Thankfully, he had just spotted her entering the kitchen and dashed to her.

“Sylvie,” Dan put on his sweetest voice, knowing he had some convincing to do. “Is it possible that I could leave my shift early-”

“Dan, you don't have much left of it so could you just stay on a bit longer, please?” Sylvia looked up from the cake she was decorating to speak to Dan, obviously wanting him to stay.

“But-”

“Is that Jonny Malone in my cafe?” Sylvia whispered, not knowing how loud she was actually speaking.

“Yes it is, look can-” Dan was getting frustrated at repeatedly being ignored

Phil took the mention of his stage name as a cue to make his entrance after listening to the whole conversation. He came up behind Dan, flashing his most charming smile. “Well hello there.” He took Sylvia's hand and brought it up to his lips, “I’m assuming that you are the owner of this fine establishment.”

Sylvia's cheeks immediately flushed red at the gesture. “Why yes… I’m…thank you…”

Dan rolled his eyes at how easily flustered his aunt became, but still couldn't help but find it quite amusing. It was quite obvious how Phil didn't just win over the women with his looks.

“I would like to take Dan with me, and I do apologise for any inconvenience that may cause.”

“Yes of course, please take him!” Dan and Phil started to leave the kitchen, finally being allowed to go. “But can I just say!” The pair reluctantly turned their heads back around, both getting quite anxious to leave. “I’m a huge fan of you Jonny and…”

“I’m very glad to hear that, but I’m afraid that me and Dan really _must_ be going.”

“Yes, I'm sorry! See you later Dan and have fun.” Sylvia winked at Dan suggestively. He was unsure why. 

“Well, your aunt is a bit…full on,” Phil said once they were out of earshot.

“Yeah, sorry about that…” Dan apologised whilst pulling on his jacket. “I know I said it earlier, but thank you, I genuinely mean it.”

“I’m glad to help you out, I genuinely mean it.”

~

For his first time looking backstage, Dan had to say he was rather disappointed. He had expected large dressing rooms filled with mirrors surrounded in lights, with rails and rails of glitzy costumes. Instead, there were only a few box rooms, the costumes thrown messily on the floor.

Phil had insisted on showing Dan around, to let him get to know the place. He wouldn't actually be performing for quite a while yet as he had all the choreography to learn. For the show that night, he would be watching it for the first time from a behind the scenes perspective.

They had finished their tour, with Phil then leaving Dan to his own devices as he had to prepare for the show. Being the awkward person he was, Dan wasn't quite sure what to do to entertain himself until curtains went up. The only instructions he had from Phil were to be backstage ten minutes before the start, which meant he had about an hour to kill and nothing to do.

Yet again, Dan found himself at the bar of the Midnight Lounge. It was reasonably empty, considering it was still quite early, meaning Dan was able to get to know Freddie the bartender a bit more. The man was in his early 40’s, and had an impressive musical background spanning decades. He had been part of the live band at the Lounge for almost nine years, but the money he earnt was not sufficient to support his family after the death of his wife. So, he took up a job as a bartender to make sure that his kids lived comfortably.

Dan couldn't help but pity him; he seemed like a genuinely decent person and Dan could empathise with having to face such heartache. They were quite happily having a light hearted conversation when they were interrupted by a sharp snap of the fingers. One thing that Dan could never understand was the complete lack of manners possessed by most Americans he had encountered.

“Oi, Freddie,” A woman with a thick Chicago accent said, as she slipped onto the bar stool next to Dan, “Fix me a stiff one, I’m gonna need it before the show tonight.”

Dan turned his head, only to be immediately faced with the presence of the infamous Martha Malone. Her fiery red curls somehow seemed brighter in person, which only brought out her deep green eyes. The lack of makeup on her face revealed that she was almost as pale as Phil, something that Dan hadn't believed was possible. She was a petite woman, with Dan estimating that she was just about a foot shorter than him. The cigarette that was resting between her lips only emphasised the scowl that seemed to be permanently plastered across her face.

“So, you must be sweet little Dan then.” The disinterest was clear in her voice as she let out a puff of smoke, resting her elbows on the bar.

“Er…yeah that's me…” Dan stammered, confused by the affectionate nickname. Had Phil described him as sweet?

“I heard you impressed Phil.” She tapped the ash off the end of her cigarette into an ashtray. “Now that's not something that happens very often.”

“Er…well thank you? I mean, I’m not _that_ good…” The whole conversation seemed quite bizarre to Dan as it all felt rather forced. He couldn't help but notice a slight undertone of bitterness in Martha’s voice, for reasons he could not understand.

“Don't try the whole humble and modest thing with me.” She held her cigarette in between the top of her slender fingers, now making direct eye contact with Dan, “And stop stammering when you speak, it makes you sound fucking retarded.”

Dan opened his mouth to retort back to Martha’s comment after finding it extremely offensive, but was interrupted by the appearance of Phil. He flashed a quick smile at Dan before turning to speak to his wife, his face losing any trace of emotion.

“Hey honey,” Phil leant over to place a kiss on Martha’s cheek, the whole action seeming rather forced and awkward. “I see you’ve met Dan then,” he said in a flat tone.

Martha rolled her eyes, obviously trying to express her distaste towards Dan. It surprised him how she managed to form such an opinion about him from such a short interaction. He guessed that it must have just been part of her personality, but couldn't help but wonder what Phil even saw in her.

“Yes, well I do have to say, I’m quite… _surprised_ by your choice.” The malice was practically dripping in her voice, as she stood up from her stool to face Phil. “I do hope it was his dancing and nothing else that... _attracted_ you to Danny over here.” Martha didn't bother hiding the threat behind her comment. 

She may have been lacking in height, but that didn't stop her from giving off an intimidating aura. Dan could see how tense she was making Phil, his whole body seeming stiff and stoic and his fists tightly clenched.

“Well,” he spoke slowly, “We should probably go get ready for the show.”

Martha didn't say another word before storming off without Phil, though not forgetting to throw a dirty look towards Dan. Following after her, Phil quickly gave Dan a weak smile, almost an apology, and then headed off backstage, leaving Dan alone again.

Something was undeniably wrong with Phil and Martha’s marriage, it was all too clear to Dan. Of course, he was not one to judge someone else’s relationship. But he would be a fool to ignore the tension between them that was so visible, even after such a brief interaction. It lead to Dan to somewhat pity Phil, the way his wife acted around him was obviously very different off-stage than it was on-stage. 

~

Over the following weeks, Dan spent hours in gruelling rehearsals learning the routines for the whole show. He considered himself lucky to have as good a memory as he did; otherwise it would have taken him much longer to perfect the choreography. 

His first performance was rapidly approaching, with Phil taking extra time to ensure that Dan had everything memorised in preparation for the big night. This meant numerous rehearsals with the rest of the ensemble, as well as a few one on one rehearsals that Phil _insisted_ on holding.

With all the time they were spending together, Dan could feel his friendship with Phil growing stronger. They often found themselves wasting hours away chatting over milkshakes from Sylvia’s cafe, the conversation between them naturally flowing. His impression of Phil had changed drastically. From thinking of him as being an arrogant cynic, Dan had gone to seeing a completely different side of him that was much more friendly and warmhearted.

Out of all of the topics Phil discussed with Dan, one that often seemed avoided was his relationship with Martha. Anytime Dan brought her up or even mentioned her name, Phil's expression would immediately change and the atmosphere would turn tense. To say the least, Dan was concerned. He had now seen how good-spirited Phil could be and to see that change in an instant was becoming rather unnerving. After growing to care for him, it hurt Dan to think that he was unhappy.

“So, you nervous for tonight?” Dan was sitting in Phil's dressing room, a cigarette in hand. It was hardly surprising that he had picked up such a habit from Phil.

“Truthfully,” Dan took a long drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke out of his mouth, “I’m fucking bricking it.”

“You have no reason to be, you’ve nailed the choreography, all thanks to your _fabulous_ teacher.”

Dan threw a stray piece of Phil’s costume at his head, a mischievous smirk slapped across his face.

“Oi, what was that for!” Phil threw the item of clothing back at Dan in retaliation. “I almost dropped my cigarette!”

“For being so full of yourself!” Dan stumped out his cigarette in an ashtray before heading towards the door. “Well, I’d better go get ready now.”

Dan was about to leave before Phil pulled him into a hug, with Dan not expecting the gesture.

“Knock ‘em dead,” Phil whispered into Dan’s ear before leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Dan’s face immediately flushed red as he backed out of the dressing room. He hadn't quite believed what Phil had done; was it simply just a friendly, but strictly platonic, gesture? His mind racing, he dashed back to his dressing room that he shared with a few other members of the ensemble. 

“Hey, Dan is it?” One of the female members of the ensemble crouched down next to the chair Dan was sitting on. “You alright? You aren't looking so great, my name’s Leslie by the way.” Genuine concern was showing on her face.

“Oh, what?” Dan had zoned out slightly despite the buzz surrounding him, too lost in his own thoughts. “Yeah I’m fine, just nerves and all that.” It was only a partial lie.

“I’m sure you're gonna do great, judging by how you were in rehearsals.” She gave Dan a comforting smile, “Also Phil seems to have confidence in you by how much he just loves to talk about you!”

Dan was slightly bemused by how much Phil liked to sing his praises. It was now the second person to mention how much of an impact he had made on Phil. He didn't have too much time to think over it as a shot glass filled with vodka was placed in his hand. 

“For the first night nerves.” Leslie said before knocking back her own shot, with Dan following afterwards. “Mine were so bad I threw up twice!” 

Dan didn't think that Leslie was quite helping matters, but he didn't doubt that she had good intentions. He quickly thanked her, needing to physically and mentally prepare himself for what was to come.

~

Applause broke out in the Midnight Lounge only moments after the finale of the performance. Despite being exhausted, out of breath and dripping in sweat, Dan had never felt more energised in his whole life. The grin on his face would just not disappear as the ensemble took their bows and promptly left the stage. Only faint whisperings were audible from the audience, but what Dan could hear only boosted his mood.

Many of the ensemble rushed to congratulate Dan once they had returned backstage, but Phil made sure he got his word in.

“Dan! That was amazing!” Phil essentially launched himself at Dan, wrapping his arms round his neck. “I’m so proud of you!”

He felt as if he were on cloud nine in that moment, but he still couldn't help but notice something out of the corner of his eye. Standing away from the crowd of people was Martha, puffing away on a cigarette. She glared at Dan, unsettling him slightly. There was a scowl on her face, which only grew when she saw the way Phil embraced Dan.

“Thanks…just thank you so much.” Dan's face was buried into Phil's shoulder, muffling his voice. “I owe this all to you.” 

“No, no, no,” Phil pulled away, but still rested a hand on Dan's arm, “This was all down to you, owe this to all of your hard work.” 

“Yes, but you-”

“Nope, I don't want any of that,” He placed a finger over Dan's lips, shutting him up. “We should celebrate!”

“How?”

“Drinks back at mine?”

Dan was hesitant to accept, especially after what happened the last time he got drunk at Phil's apartment. Nonetheless, he agreed to Phil's idea. They gave their goodbyes to the ensemble, who were still chattering about Dan's performance, before heading out. Dan wanted to say goodnight to Martha, just out of courtesy, but she was already gone.

~

Dan had visited Phil's apartment quite a few times since they had first met, but something had always bugged him. That night, once they had made their way back from the Lounge and settled themselves into the living room, Dan decided that he needed to bring the topic up.

“Why is Martha never here?” Dan said bluntly, out of the blue.

“I…I don't quite understand what you mean,” Phil started to shuffle uncomfortably on the sofa. “Cigarette?” He attempted to distract Dan from the situation.

Dan declined, knowing full well what Phil was trying to do. “I’ve been here countless times and not once has she made an appearance, where is she?”

“Probably off fucking some random guy,” Phil said bitterly whilst lighting his cigarette.

“ _What?_ ” Dan was completely lost for words, astounded by Phil’s revelation. “What…what do you mean?”

“I think what I said was quite self explanatory!” Phil snapped, turning his head to Dan. “She's off sleeping in the beds of other men, giving her more love then I will ever be able to again.”

“But, your marriage, I mean…”

“My marriage? What a fucking sham that turned out to be.” 

Everything became all too clear to Dan. There was nothing left in that relationship, no passion, no affection, nothing. It was merely an empty shell of what it used to be. Dan should have known all along, it was painfully obvious. He always felt as if there was a look of grief in Phil's eyes, as if he were mourning the death of what he had with Martha. 

Dan edged nearer to Phil, placing a comforting arm around his shoulders and pulling him in closer. “Was there ever any love between you?”

“Yeah, there was in the beginning; I had completely fallen for her. I was young when we met, only 16, but that only made me foolish and naive.” Phil took a long drag of his cigarette. “We were married by the time I was 18 and inevitably ran into financial issues. She said she knew some people in the showbiz industry, and with us both having some dance background, we decided to take the plunge.” 

“So where did it all go wrong?” Dan couldn't help but feel sorry for Phil, it seemed as if everything could have worked out for them.

“Even I don't fucking know!” Phil threw his arms up in exasperation. “The spark just disappeared, we stopped being intimate and before I knew it, she's sleeping around with other men, so…”

“So?”

“I did the same, naturally.” Phil said nonchalantly. “Oh what most women, and a few men too, would do to have their one night of passion with Jonny Malone, and _boy_ was I ready to give it to them.” He ended with a harsh laugh.

Dan was left utterly speechless once Phil had finished talking and tried to take the whole situation in. Despite everything Phil had revealed, Dan couldn't help but feel like there was still something he wasn't sharing. Dan couldn't blame him though, everyone had their pasts and he understood that firsthand.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, this all seems so shitty and-”

“Kiss me.” It was less of a question and more of a statement; the night just couldn't get anymore surprising for Dan.

“Yes please,” Dan breathed out, letting impulse control his actions.

The kiss felt different to last time. Instead of being drunk and sloppy, it was slow and passionate. But the desire was so much more intense. Neither of them had been thinking before but this time, they both knew how much they wanted it.

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist and pulled him in, wanting to be as close to him as it was physically possible. Phil started to leave soft, open-mouthed kisses down Dan’s neck, not knowing how much of a turn on it was for Dan.

“Shit…Phil…” Dan’s eyes were shut from pleasure, his breathing becoming deeper and heavier.

Phil started to suck gently on a patch of skin on Dan’s collarbone. A dark purple hickey started to bloom and Phil took a moment to admire his handiwork. However, the action only seemed to make Dan more flustered.

“Bedroom?” Dan nodded his head in agreement, no longer able to form words.

Without warning, Dan felt himself being lifted up and let out a small yelp in surprise. He tightly wrapped his legs around Phil’s torso and couldn’t help but realise how strong Phil actually was as he was able to carry Dan with ease. 

Phil gently placed Dan down on his bed and reconnected the kiss, straddling Dan’s lap. 

“Phil,” Dan momentarily broke the kiss.

“Yeah?”

“Can you just promise me one thing, that this isn’t just another night of passion with Jonny Malone, but something special with Phil Lester?”

“Of course.”

~

The status of Dan and Phil's relationship started to become increasingly confusing as the months progressed, mostly for Dan. He was unsure whether he could define what was happening with Phil as dating or if they were just two people who frequently slept together. One thing he knew for sure was that they were definitely more than just friends.

Whilst still in a daze of post-cotial bliss, laying naked wrapped in Phil's arms, Dan decided that he needed to bring the topic up.

“What are we?” Dan mumbled, more to himself, as he absentmindedly ran his fingers up and down Phil's chest.

“What do you mean?” Phil asked, slightly bemused by Dan's question. He took a puff of his cigarette before passing it to Dan.

“Me and you, what are we? What's all of this?” Dan wildly gestured with his hands, waving the cigarette around between his fingers. “It's all so complicated with you and Martha, where do I fit into it?”

“Martha is irrelevant and I'm not going to let her get in the way of us.” He leant down to press a soft kiss on the top of Dan's head, running his fingers through his brown curls, “My so called ‘marriage’ with Martha doesn't change the fact that I love you, Dan.”

Dan swore that he felt his heart skip a beat at Phil's admission, not quite believing what he had just heard. “You…love me?”

“Of course I do, you fool,” Phil let out a deep, breathy chuckle; a smile plastered across his face, “I love you Dan.”

“I love you-” Before he could finish what he was saying, Dan felt Phil's gentle lips press against his, connecting them in an affectionate kiss. 

~

The next day, whilst working the morning shift in Sylvia’s cafe, Dan couldn't help but let his mind wander back to the fact that Phil had admitted his feelings to him. It was reassuring, as Dan had been starting to get concerned that his feelings for Phil would be one-sided. But, most of all, he felt a strange sense of euphoria at being so completely and utterly in love, something he had thought he would never experience again.

He usually despised having to start work so early, but Dan was too overjoyed to care. Even Sylvia noticed Dan's uplifted mood, noting how much more chatty and friendly he was being to the customers. She tried inquiring about the source of Dan's sudden happiness, but to little success.

The familiar ring of the bell alerted Dan to the entrance of a new customer, so he flashed a bright genuine smile, before letting it drop when he saw who was standing in front of him.

“Martha.” Dan felt his blood run cold, his heart beating faster in his chest. “How can I help you?” He tried his best to keep his composure, which became increasingly difficult in the woman's presence.

“Oh, I'm just passing by, so I thought I would pop in and say hello.” The fact that relations between them had never been particularly pleasant only made Dan even more uneasy. He knew Martha wouldn't want to have a casual conversation with him. “Sit,” She gestured to an empty table, “Let's talk.” 

“Sorry…but I’m still on my shift…I…” Dan stammered nervously. He could sense that Martha had some sort of ulterior motive, but was too afraid to find out what it was.

Martha pulled Dan by the hand and lead him to the table, a sickly sweet smile slapped across her face. “I’m _sure_ you can spare five minutes for a quick chat.”

“Yeah...of course…” Dan sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, sitting down on one of the chairs.

“So, you've been getting pretty close to Phil recently, that's…nice.” Martha was still trying to maintain an overly friendly facade, with Dan not being quite sure why she was putting it on in the first place.

“Phil's great,” Dan paused, letting himself think about what he was saying as he knew he had to be careful, “He’s a really great…friend.” 

“Hmmm, I'm sure of it.” Dan could slowly see Martha's facade starting to slip. “And I'm sure _great friends_ know everything about each other, right?”

Sweat started to gather on Dan's forehead, as he started to feel queasy about where Martha was leading to. “Yes, he's been very honest to me, especially about certain people.” Dan scoffed as he saw the small scowl that was starting to develop on Martha's face.

“Oh _really_.” There was a tone of faux surprise in her voice. “Well seeing as he's been so truthful,” she twisted a strand of her red hair around her finger, “I’m sure you know about the gun that he keeps in his bedside cabinet.” 

“The gun?” Dan gulped as he felt his heart drop.

“Oh? You didn't know about the gun?” A smirk had soon replaced Martha's scowl. “Yeah, Phil has a gun and I have to say,” she leaned forward and lowered her voice. _“It's surprising how accurate his shots are.”_

“Shots? What…” Dan whispered to himself, feeling a mix of complete confusion and utter fear. 

“Well honey look at the time, I best be going!” She let out a malicious laugh, obviously feeling pleased with the damage she had caused. Martha started to make her way towards the door, leaving Dan behind in a state of shock.

“What do you mean?” Martha paused, turning to face Dan. “His shots are…accurate.”

“Well,” She leant down to whisper in Dan's ear, “It's quite a skill to kill a man with one bullet.” Without another word but with one last kiss on Dan's cheek, Martha left the cafe; the sound of her heels clicking on the wooden floor echoing in the room.

All colour that was in Dan's face had drained away; only Martha's deep red lipstick was left, staining his cheek. He didn't know if he wanted to cry, scream or throw up; everything was all too overwhelming. Martha's words were replayed over and over in his head, the harsh reality of them stabbing him in the heart.

_“Accurate shots.”_

_“Dan.”_

_“Kill a man.”_

_“Dan!”_

_“One bullet.”_

_“DAN!”_

Sylvia's worried calls, along with gentle shakes on his shoulder, brought Dan out of his trance.

“Dan? Are you alright love?” She crouched down next to Dan and rested her hand on top of his. “You look quite pale and-” She moved the back of her hand to touch Dan's forehead, “Feel pretty warm, you might have a fever.”

“You know, I'm actually feeling a bit…nauseous.” Dan was hardly lying; he felt sick to his stomach.

“Why don't you go home and rest, I’ll get someone to cover your shift, ok?” Dan nodded and thanked Sylvia. He gave her a quick hug goodbye before heading off, not back home, but rather to try and get some much-needed answers out of Phil.

~

The usually brief walk to Phil's apartment felt like it took double the time for Dan to get round there. For every step he was taking, he may as well have been taking twenty. The way his heart was beating out of his chest didn't help calm his nerves, it was almost as if he couldn't bear facing the truth.

Taking a deep breath, Dan banged his fist three times on Phil's door to no answer.

“Phil? Phil, open this fucking door!” Dan was in no situation to be waiting around for Phil; he needed answers.

“Alright! I'm coming!” Phil hurried to the door, only to open it to find an incredibly pissed off Dan standing in front of him. “Dan? What's wrong?”

Dan barged past Phil, not bothering to deal with any pleasantries. “Oh, I think you very fucking well know what's wrong!”

“I don't understand-”

“You killed a man Phil! That's what's wrong!” Dan said, marching straight up to Phil so that their faces were only inches apart.

“Martha…” Phil's eyes widened in realisation. “She told you! The fucking bitch, I'm gonna-”

“You're gonna _what_?” Dan folded his arms across his chest. “Kill her too!” He spat out, only getting more and more frustrated.

Dan could clearly see that Phil was panicking just by the visible sweat that was building on his forehead, or the way his right leg was frantically bouncing up and down.

“Look Dan,” Phil placed both of his hands on top of Dan’s shoulders in an attempt to calm him down, “It was all an accident, things escalated and happened so fast and-”

“Stop bullshitting me Phil!” Dan harshly pushed Phil against the wall, the elder wincing at the impact. “Just tell me what fucking happened!” He kept his hands pressed firmly on Phil’s chest to ensure that he wouldn’t get away.

Phil gulped, trying to formulate the right words in his head. “There was a journalist and…and he was threatening to run a story about me. It was full of lies but was a guaranteed career ruiner.” The usual bright spark in his eyes was replaced with a haunted look of misery. 

Dan could clearly see how much pain the memory caused Phil, but he couldn't bring himself to pity him. He dropped his arms to his side, turning his concentration to processing Phil's words.

“You killed him…just because of some stupid story he was going to run?” Dan scoffed, feeling a sense of disbelief. “There was no fucking need to do that Phil!”

“You just don't understand Dan!” Phil said, starting to raise his voice slightly. He roughly ran his fingers through his hair, only getting more and more agitated.

“Oh I think I do-”

“No!” Phil snapped, interrupting Dan. “You know nothing about the truth of this life, you don't know the sacrifices that have to be made!” Feeling his anger rising, he clenched his fists into tight balls. “You think you’re cut out for this but you're completely oblivious to what it takes!”

“For fuck’s sake, Phil!” Dan shouted, throwing his arms up into the air in frustration. “Stop trying to make this about me!” Tears started to prick in the corners of Dan’s eyes, mostly out of fury at the situation.

“Well maybe it is about you!” Phil yelled, tempers running high. “Everything was fine before you decided to barge into my life!”

“No, you don't mean that! You know you don't-” Dan paused. “You _killed_ someone, Phil, it’s not like I-”

“Do you know what? Why don't you just fuck off back to England?” Phil snapped, hardly taking a moment to consider the enormity of what he was saying.

Dan flinched at the harsh nature of Phil's words, striking a chord in him. “Go back home?” He whispered, almost questioning himself. “I can't-”

“What, you can't go home? Too scared of having to live an average life?” Phil mocked, letting out a derisive laugh. “Mummy and Daddy wanting you to get a normal job and settle down with a nice girl, _oh poor you!_ ” he taunted.

“Stop it!” Dan cried out, tears rolling down his face. 

“Having to have such an easy living?” Phil interrupted, ruthlessly attacking Dan. “It must have been so difficult that there is no possible way that you can return!”

“ _Shut. The fuck. Up._ ” Dan snarled through gritted teeth, immediately silencing Phil. “You know nothing about my past in England!”

“Please, enlighten me!” Phil said sarcastically, a slight smirk appearing on his face.

“I…I…” Dan stuttered, his sobs trapping the words in his throat.

“Awww Danny unable to-”

“I _can't_ go back,” Dan burst out suddenly. “I’d be fucking dead if I did!” His whole body froze, taken aback by what he unintentionally revealed.

Phil was stunned into a tension-filled silence. He had noticed how Dan would act suspiciously around any mention of his life back in England, but he had never thought it was for such a grave reason.

“Shit, Dan…” Phil’s voice immediately returned back to its usual gentle tone as he reached forwards to comfort Dan.

Dan was numb with shock. He had never before put his situation so bluntly, with the words causing him to wince. Overwhelmed with thoughts, his mind went into effect meltdown as he tried to determine his next course of action. However, only one word was clear enough in his head to process.

_Leave._

So that’s what he did. Without a second glance to catch sight of the perplexed expression on Phil’s face, Dan dashed out of the apartment to avoid having to face reality.

~ 

The next few days that followed only caused more heartache for Dan. He couldn't bear to face Phil, so instead took the cowardly route of avoiding him. Unfortunately for Dan, this meant not performing at the club as it would be certain then that he would have to talk to Phil. He would be lying if he said that he didn't miss dancing on stage every night, but he knew it was necessary.

Deep down, Dan knew that he would have to see Phil at some point, as much as it troubled him. But just the mere thought of it stopped him from trying. It was much easier just to avoid Phil, though he knew how painful it would be in the long run if he didn't tell the truth.

Because of this, after almost a fortnight he plucked up the courage to finally give Phil an explanation. After barely leaving the house in two weeks, Dan made sure to smarten himself up a bit; he didn't want to make it look like the whole situation had got to him. It was almost as if he didn't to appear weak in front of Phil, especially considering what he was about to tell him.

That's how Dan found himself standing outside Phil's apartment, his closed fist just inches away from knocking on the door. He was nervous, there was no denying that. After just running out like that after their fight, he had no idea how Phil would react. 

Taking a deep breath, he gave three quick knocks on the door, the sharp noise echoing in the silent corridor. 

“Dan?” Phil opened the door, shocked to see Dan standing in front of him. He gawped for a moment, before coming to his senses and sheepishly gesturing for Dan to enter.

Dan only nodded and awkwardly shuffled into Phil’s living room. He had no idea how he would explain everything, but knew he had to start somewhere. “Look… I’m sorry for-”

“For fuck’s sake Dan, I should be the one apologising!” Phil nervously laughed, guiding Dan to sit next to him on the sofa. “I should have been more truthful about it all and-”

“Phil, I understand, I should have been more truthful to you too,” Dan broke eye contact with Phil, almost in shame of keeping such a big secret from him. “I should probably tell you what happened…” He gulped, mentally preparing what he was about to say.

There was a clear look of agony on Dan's face, which only further concerned Phil. As a gesture of comfort, he took Dan's hand into his, softly rubbing the back of it with his thumb. 

“Back in England…there was a boy called Elliot and I…I loved him, with all my heart,” Dan tried to steady his breathing, the memories flooding back to him, “And then it all had to be fucked up didn’t it.” The bitterness was audible in his voice.

Phil had always had a feeling that Dan was hiding something from his life in England, but had never been quite sure what. He stayed silent to allow Dan to continue.

“We lived in the same village and studied the same English course at university; we would always joke about how we were surprised that we never got sick of seeing each other so often.” Dan smiled fondly, yet still clearly showing a hint of sorrow. “Then, one day…one day…” He choked up, knowing how painful what he was about to say was.

“My dad…he came home early and found us together…kissing, and…,” He gulped, tightly squeezing his eyes shut, “He snapped, completely lost it, raging at the fact his son was with a boy. I thought I knew what fear was, but I had never truly experienced it until that moment.”

Dan felt the tears start to prick in the corners of his eyes. Phil, noticing this, draped his arm around his shoulder and brought him in closer. It all soon became too much for Dan, the emotions forcing him to pause for a moment and take a breath.

“For what felt like hours, he threw such horrific words at us. Every vile, homophobic comment you could think of, he said.” Dan leant further into Phil, desperately needing the comfort. “Sitting through that tirade of abuse, the only thing I could think of was how much I would have rather he had physically harmed me. It would have hurt so much less.”

Uncontrollable sobs overcame Dan, making it hard for him to speak. Phil could only sit there, speechless, too busy taking it all in.

“So,” Phil coughed, after an extended period of silence, “What…happened next,” he stuttered, almost too scared to ask. 

Dan turned his head slightly to face Phil, opening his mouth as if he were about to speak, yet no words came out. 

“I…well…he,” Dan tried to explain, but was unable to form the right sentences.

“Dan…if it's too much, you don't have to tell me,” Phil directly looked at Dan, the softness and concern glistening in his eyes.

“No,” Dan tried to say firmly, but his shaky voice gave away his uneasiness, “You deserve to know. After…all of that, he stormed off. Me and Elliott were too scared to move, completely frozen with fear. We both knew he would come back and we made the mistake of not leaving while we could. I have many regrets in my life…but that has to be my biggest.”

“When…when my dad came back he wasn’t alone. With him was Elliot’s dad.” Phil could have sworn that he saw Dan physically shiver at just the mention of the man. “I didn't see him often, but when I did, he was never smiling, and he was the kind of guy kids cross the road to avoid, you know? The kind of guy who would kick a puppy. Hurt his own son for kissing a boy.”

“Oh Dan…” Phil said out of pity as he started to piece the rest of the story together.

“He was relentless, punch after punch came down and all I could do was watch, I had never felt so weak in my whole life,” Dan tightly squeezed his eyes shut, as if it would help him forget the horrific memory, “He was half dead by the time my dad dragged me away.”

Phil could see how distraught Dan was and pulled him in closer, muttering words of comfort into his ear in an attempt to calm him down. 

“My dad said I had a week, a week to leave and to never be seen again and if I didn't, or if I ever showed my face again then…then I…” Dan took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, “I, in exactly his words, would suffer the same fate as Elliot. I scrambled to make arrangements with Sylvia and was gone in five days.”

An uncomfortable silence fell in the room, the weight of the situation almost becoming suffocating. Phil tried to speak, but was too dumbstruck to formulate the right words. Dan, however, relished in the silence. After reliving the event almost daily, verbally telling the story for the first time had been emotionally exhausting and he needed some time to recover. 

“Dan, I-”

“No,” Dan firmly interrupted, despite the shakiness being audible in his voice, “I want to move on from this, with you, please, can you do that for me?” he pleaded.

“Of course.” Phil placed a gentle kiss on the top of Dan’s head, “Anything for you.”

~

From that moment on, the pair only grew from strength to strength. With all secrets being revealed, Dan and Phil’s relationship could finally progress into one of complete trust and honesty. They were in a state of domestic bliss, with Dan essentially moving into Phil’s apartment. This was helped along with the fact that Martha was getting her own place.

Every night after performing, they lay together, chattering away until the early hours and just enjoyed being in each other's company. There was nothing purer than being with the person you love, completely at peace with the world. 

It was one of those nights, after yet another sold-out show, and conversation was flowing between Dan and Phil as they lay in bed. 

“What? You keep staring at me, is there something on my face?” Dan paused, gesturing to his face. Phil only smiled fondly in response, shaking his head. “What? What is it?” He playfully gave Phil a shove.

“I’m sorry, it's hard to look away when you’re just so beautiful,” Phil said sincerely.

Dan pretended to gag at Phil's words. “Well you really are the soppy one, aren't you!”

Phil gasped in feigned outrage, clasping his hands over his mouth. “How dare you, I don't think you understand my struggles at being in the presence of such _beauty_.” He leaned in closer, the huge grin on his face mirroring Dan’s.

“Why did I fall in love with a dork like you?” Dan murmured, running his hand to the back of Phil's head, bringing them closer together.

“I don't-” Phil was interrupted before he could finish. The click of a pair of stilettos on the wooden flooring resonated through the otherwise silent apartment. The blinding flash of a bulb momentarily illuminated the bedroom, before plunging the world back into darkness. The figure blocking the doorway held a camera in her hands and let out a venomous cackle, knowing she had the upper hand.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the realisation of what just happened sunk in. Phil lunged forwards to try and retrieve the camera whilst Dan remained frozen in shock. Despite not being the physically strongest, Martha made up what she lacked in strength with speed and reached for the gun in the bedside cabinet before Phil could grab the camera.

“Uh, uh, uh,” Martha tutted, holding the camera away from Phil's reach, “I wouldn't try that if I were you. I don't think you want a repeat of last time.” She pointed the gun at Dan. The colour immediately drained from his face.

“For fuck’s sake Martha, what are you doing!” Phil cried out, a sense of panic rising at seeing Dan’s life in danger.

“What I should have done years ago, I’m going solo and I thought I may as well go out with a,” She fired the gun at the wall behind Dan, the bullet barely skimming his head, “ _bang!_ ” Her ruby red lips pursed into an amused smirk.

The pair shrieked at the shot, with Dan throwing himself into Phil's arms. “Why did you do that! You almost killed Dan, you fucking idiot!” 

“In my opinion, the world would be better off with one less fag like him in it!” Martha said, laughing bitterly. 

Anger boiled inside of Phil as he lunged again at Martha, this time aiming for the gun. Her movements were too swift as the gun brushed against his fingertips before it was pulled away.

“What is it, what do you want?” Phil said through gritted teeth.

“Oh Philly, I just want what I deserve. I’ve worked my ass off, and yet I still have to share the stage with someone like _you_ ,” Martha pointed the gun accusingly at Phil. “I think it's finally _my_ time to shine, alone!”

“But I just don't understand, what is this all about? What is the point to all of this?” Phil said, trying to reason with Martha.

“Honey, the thing is, this isn't just about my career, it's about yours too.” Martha strode towards Phil and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “And how I want to destroy it.”

Phil's heart dropped at Martha's words. He knew how cunning and manipulative she could be; she was a woman who got what she wanted. 

“I’m sure the Chicago Times would be _thrilled_ to hear about Jonny Malone’s shocking homosexual affair with his backing dancer and having photographic evidence will just top it all off!” Martha squealed, the grin on her face mirroring that of an overexcited child. 

Fury ran through Phil's veins, his fists squeezed into tight balls. Dan placed a comforting hand on Phil's shoulder, knowing he needed to keep him calm in a situation like this.

“But why?” Dan asked, knowing that he needed to make sense of what was happening. “Couldn't you just quietly go solo and not cause all this trouble?”

“I mean, I _could_ ,” Martha paused for a moment, pretending to consider that option, “but that would be no fun, would it? Anyways, I thought it was about time that Chicago knew how big of a _fag_ Phil was.”

Fueled by rage, Phil swung his fist at Martha, but was pulled back by Dan before he could hit her. “Phil, no,” he muttered, keeping a grip on Phil’s wrist.

“Well boys, this has been delightful!” Martha leant down to kiss them each on the cheek, her red lipstick leaving a stain. “But I have to dash, tomorrow’s headline story needs to be printed!” She shoved the gun into her coat pocket, wise enough to know that she shouldn't leave it with Phil.

With the slam of the front door, Martha was gone, leaving Dan and Phil to let the turn of events sink in. Phil was still reeling, kicking himself for letting Martha get away with what she had done. Dan, however, knew that the damage was done and they had to focus on their next steps. 

“Phil, we need to-”

“She's fucked it all up Dan and I just let her do it! Why did-”

“Phil listen to me!” Dan snapped, immediately grabbing Phil's attention. “We need to go, the press will be waiting outside for us tomorrow morning. Let's go to Sylvia's and we’ll go from there, ok?”

Phil nodded reluctantly, accepting that there was nothing more that he could do. He knew that he and Dan had to prepare for their lives to change the next morning.

~

After a troubled night of sleep, Dan had sent Sylvia out early in the morning to buy a copy of The Chicago Times. He and Phil had braced themselves for what they knew would be crushing news, but were still uncertain about what exactly would be said. When Sylvia returned with the newspaper, she described how crowds had swarmed to read all about the scandal; the people of Chicago drank up news like that.

Dan and Phil sat huddled close together on the sofa, knowing they would need each other's support. The front cover was emblazoned with the image of Dan and Phil in a rather compromising position.

_**“ JONNY MALONE EXPOSED IN SHOCK AFFAIR”** _

_“Known as one half of Chicago’s most famous double act, Jonny Malone’s scandalous affair with one of his male backing dancers has been revealed. Malone, real name Philip Lester, has been engaging in homosexual activities with young dancer Daniel Howell. His wife and professional partner Martha Malone learnt of her husband’s adulterous ways late last night when she witnessed him intimately engaging with Mr Howell._

_‘I was in a state of shock,’ Ms Malone described to our reporter. ‘Seeing my husband fooling around with another man made me almost pass out at the sight of it. I’m heartbroken to be betrayed in such a way.’ [...]”_

They had read enough to know the damage was done; there was nothing they could do to reverse it. Dan could see the agony the situation was inflicting on Phil, but he had a more determined mindset.

“Phil, it's going to be ok.” Dan said truthfully.

“How can you say that, everything is fucked up,” Phil mumbled, his head buried in Dan’s chest.

“Trust me. We’re going to get through this, together.”

~

_Two years later_

“Phil!” Dan called out, frantically searching every corner of the dressing room. “Where the fuck is my hat!”

Phil came dashing through the door, holding Dan’s missing hat in his hand. “Here it is,” He placed it on the top of Dan’s head, before pressing a light kiss to his lips. “You know, you really shouldn’t be losing your props on opening night.” 

“I know, I know,” Dan mumbled. “It’s just that I’m a bit nervous you know, everything from the past two years has been leading up to this moment.”

“That’s understandable, but you should know that I have complete faith in you.” Phil pulled Dan in for a comforting hug, hoping to calm his nerves before their big performance.

Dan glanced over to the clock on the wall, audibly gasping when he saw the time. “Shit, Phil, we’re on in 15 minutes! I’m not sure that I can do it, I don’t think I’m ready!” 

“Shhh,” Phil ran his hand through Dan’s hair. “You are completely ready for this and I know that.”

Phil couldn’t help but cast his mind back to what had brought him to where he was standing in that moment. After everything that had happened two years ago, he had thought his career was over and his life in ruins. With her manipulative ways, Martha had managed to portray herself as an innocent victim, distraught by her husband’s infidelity.

For a while, Phil had thought she had won. But what Martha hadn’t considered was her scheming plan backfiring on her. The public had eventually seen through her fake act and all support for her was lost. Phil’s reputation was boosted, regaining the public’s love that he had lost. The events that followed were unsurprising.

Dan and Phil had formed a new double act, winning the hearts of the people in Chicago. A new manager had picked them up and their careers were now better than ever. Martha’s career, on the other hand, had completely and utterly flopped; she had appeared to just vanish from the attention of her audience. 

“We had better get going backstage love,” Phil gave Dan one last squeeze before gesturing towards the door.

Dan nodded, as Phil lead the way to the organised chaos behind the stage. They stood for what felt like ages behind the red curtain, intently listening to the chattering from the audience.

“Ladies and gentlemen.” The voice of the bandleader immediately silenced the audience. “For the first time at the Chicago Theatre and for your pleasure only, I introduce the dazzling, the amazing, Dan and Phil Lester!”

As the music burst into life, Phil turned his head. “Dan.”

“Yeah?” He glanced over to Phil.

“Knock ‘em dead.”

**Author's Note:**

> Holy. Shit. This is my fic for the phandom big bang and im still kinda in a state of shock and cant quite believe its actually here. I need to give the biggest thanks ever to my beta Ela ([@semipoetictrash](semipoetictrash.tumblr.com) on tumblr, you should check her out) as without her, im genuinely not sure that this would be finished. I have defo had a love/hate relationship with this but i am very pleased with how it turned out!
> 
> Find me on tumblr [@serenehowell](serenehowell.tumblr.com)


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